8 February 2025
As I lie here on my simple bed, in what is meant to be my new home for the next few months, a wave of uncertainty washes over me. Exhausted from traveling – no matter which bus you take, 300km will be about a six hour journey. No longer caught up in the buzzing energy of Paharganj, I find myself facing a loneliness I hadn’t expected. Homesickness—on only my second day here?
There’s a stark contrast between traveling as a tourist and uprooting your entire life. Selling off your possessions, reducing everything you own to what fits in a backpack, and stepping into an unfamiliar way of living is a challenge—even for the most adaptable souls.
Suddenly, everything that should feel exciting instead feels like culture shock. The simplest tasks, like washing dishes, feel foreign and wrong. Confidence wavers when even daily routines seem out of place. The language barrier adds another layer of struggle—words take on different meanings, tones are misinterpreted, and misunderstandings pile up like unseen walls between people.
I glance around my dimly lit room, more of a storage space than a bedroom, and my heart sinks. I have no problem with simplicity—basic food, a hard bed, minimal possessions. But being here, in such close quarters with only my (male) yoga teacher, feels uncomfortable. The female therapist who was meant to share the space is away for another month, leaving me in an unexpected and unsettling situation. No matter how kind he seems, this is not what I agreed to.
This moment challenges me. Is this where I push past my discomfort, discard my ‘Western’ expectations, and embrace the cultural differences? Or is this simply not okay? It’s hard to distinguish between a necessary adjustment and a compromise too far.
My mind reminds me that this is part of a greater journey, a necessary step toward growth. But my heart is heavy. Earlier this evening we visited a really beautiful temple for evening prayers. The atmosphere was magical, even if this definitely isn’t a touristy neighborhood. I felt peaceful and excited for this experience. But all excitement has completely evaporated… The next few days will be telling—will I find a way to settle in, or will I decide that this isn’t the right place for me? Right now, all I know is that I feel deeply unsettled and uncertain about everything around me.
