14 June 2025
Growing up, I was never interested in taking any kind of drugs. I wasn’t exposed to much partying, drinking, or drug use, and the idea of experimenting held no appeal. Some of that came from a raw fear of what might happen to me, and some of it came from the fear of what my father would do if he ever found out. Either way, I’m grateful.
I’ve had my share of tough life experiences, and there’s very little that shocks me anymore. But I never came to know the darkness and devastation that drug abuse can bring. That is a blessing.
I understand that many people view LSD, MDMA, psychedelic mushrooms, cannabis, and other plant medicines as “drugs.” I understand why especially chemical substances are still illegal (the valid reasons and unfortunately those used to manipulate and control our healthcare system), and I understand the damage that can result from careless or ignorant use. I also understand the ‘terrible experiences’ one can have with these substances. Using anything too often or dependently is unhealthy. I would never encourage anyone to take plant medicines or psychedelics lightly. If someone asked me, I’d tell them to be very careful and to only do so with the guidance of a professional healer, guide, or therapist to ensure their safety and wellbeing.
And yet, I also understand these substances on a different level—one that not everyone will relate to or ever need to. For some of us, these experiences are a crucial part of becoming. They help us go further than we would on our own. They help us access states of consciousness, remembrance, and being that open the path to fully embody who we are meant to be in this lifetime. Many of us are already traveling between worlds, dreamwalking, seeing, hearing, sensing and knowing things others may dismiss as hallucination or imagination. We are made differently. We feel differently. And we have a specific purpose to fulfill. Considering this, I simply share my personal experiences.
My relationship with plant medicines began a few years ago, after over a year of internal struggle and contemplation. I had grown up thinking these were just drugs. I didn’t understand their purpose or power. Plant medicines aren’t a quick fix. They don’t “heal” anything directly. But they can reawaken dormant areas of the brain and heart. They can restore damaged nervous connections and allow us to perceive ourselves and our lives differently. They can open our heart space and allow us to see into the spiritual world, into ourselves, and into what lies far beyond.
I turned to plant medicine in desperation. I had tried everything else. Religion had failed me. I was emotionally chaotic, even suicidal. Meditation and self-help weren’t making a difference. I felt completely disconnected from life and myself. But I also knew—deep down—that something inside me was still alive, calling out for me to remember.
My first ceremony/healing session changed everything. Words are too small to explain it, but what I can say is that my life has only improved since. I’ve had several other plant medicine and psychedelic experiences since then, each one contributing to my growth. Some of these may have been excruciatingly difficult and some may call them ‘bad experiences’. But when you understand these things on a deeper level, you understand that each of these experiences challenge us exactly where we need it the most – they bring up that which needs to be acknowledged and processed, whether that is “good or bad”, is irrelevant. Alongside these, I’ve changed where I live, how I work, and how I spend my days. I’ve been constantly learning, integrating new modalities, and working on myself. Looking around now, I see how vastly different my life is from what it once was. Every intentional experience I’ve had with these medicines has brought me closer to seeing and knowing myself—fully—for the first time.
Unlike many, I usually don’t see only vibrant hallucinations, pretty shapes and colors. From the beginning, my journeys have been (mostly) deeply inward. I connect to myself, to Spirit, to Gaia. Over the past year, I’ve been restructuring my life—selling everything, saying goodbye to friends and family, and embarking on a journey to find my place and purpose. Despite moments of sadness and longing, the happiness, clarity, and peace I now feel is the deepest I’ve ever known.
I now have a clear vision for my future work. The past four months have often been unclear, with the path ahead clouded in mystery, hidden just enough to make me trust; in my own intuition and the guidance of the universe. I’ve made each decision with intention: where I go, who I meet, what I allow into my space—including, as much as possible, what I put in my body. Since leaving South Africa, I haven’t used any substances. I’ve focused on meditation and breathwork. But I am always open to guidance and divine moments.
When I met a new friend in Kuala Lumpur who invited me to a forest farm for the weekend, I felt a familiar stirring. We connected instantly and shared life stories. I trusted him. The invitation included the option to take psychedelics, and although I initially declined as I am always very careful about just taking any substance, anywhere, or from anyone, something in me knew: I was being prepared for something.
That feeling—of expectation, of something big coming—was not new. I’d felt it before other significant medicine journeys. I wasn’t planning on taking anything, and I didn’t feel the need to. But after a few days of contemplation, I knew I was ready.
The night before we left, I couldn’t sleep. My emotions were intense and erratic. I tried to calm myself, trusting that the universe was preparing something beautiful. As I lay in bed, listening to music, I had a vision—an initiation, held by cosmic beings. This was to be my final initiation before stepping fully into my role as a HeartSpace facilitator. For years, I have been battling to access my own heart space… I have unpacked so much of what had been stuck there, unprocessed pain and emotions, fears, joys, realizations and much more. I have allowed, cried, screamed, sat quietly, meditated, breathed and followed guided steps, all trying to fully integrate who I am, and to see myself fully. I had been unsuccessful. No amount of practice, guidance, or even DMT could push me through that barrier. For some reason I have been deathly afraid to open my heart fully to myself. I have given everything to so many others, I have held space for them, I have guided and sat with them as they find healing, I have grown in leaps and bounds on all other levels, but my heart remained a place I found overwhelming and unable to be in.
Recently, though, I have been working through a chakra-based reality creation process. The heart space have taken me months. Just days before, I reintegrated a part of my heart that I had shut down during a severely traumatic experience years ago. Through a guided quantum shift, , I was able to forgive myself and ‘heal my own heart’. This created a significant shift in my state of being, my emotions and the way I think about everything.
When this opportunity found me just after such a deep experience, I knew it was no coincidence!
(Click to read Part 2.)
