15 & 16 June 2025
It’s two days after my incredible rainforest experience, and a part of me still feels like it’s floating somewhere above the trees… The stillness in my heart, the peaceful understanding and integration that came through, is on a level I have never known before. My spirit is happy, and my body finally seems to have caught up too.
But waking up on Sunday morning, I felt awful. I know by now to expect a dip after a big journey like Saturday’s, but this was something else entirely. My eyes were burning and itchy, streaming tears; my nose was running; breathing felt almost impossible. An allergic reaction, I realized — and, of course, the one time I really needed them, I hadn’t packed my antihistamines.
I tried to stay calm, to focus on the beauty of the sunrise spilling through the trees, the haunting calls of gibbons echoing through the forest, and the bliss still humming in my veins. But my body wasn’t cooperating.
We’d had such a beautiful Saturday evening — a feast of fresh fish and seafood pasta, laughter and deep conversation, and another full day of adventure planned ahead — but all I wanted to do was crawl into a freezer and sleep. The whirlwind of the past week had finally caught up with me. Add in the suffocating humidity and what was now clearly an allergic reaction, and I was running on fumes.
I forced a quiet smile, not wanting to be a burden on my new friends. They had gone above and beyond to make the weekend magical, and here I was, barely able to hold myself together, while they excitedly planned one last lunch and sightseeing drive before we returned to KL.
The day dragged on, and I kept trying to convince myself I was fine. By the time we finally boarded the bus, I almost collapsed into my seat in relief. The ride should have been just over two hours, but of course, it was Sunday — and everyone seemed to be heading back into the city. Two hours stretched into four and a half, the bus inching forward in endless traffic.
By the time we reached KL, my head was pounding so hard I thought it might actually explode. My nose wouldn’t stop running, my energy was completely gone, and the effort of pretending I was okay had worn me raw.
My friend offered to walk me back to the hostel, but halfway there I just couldn’t keep up. My legs gave out, and I sat down on the side of the road, exhausted and defeated. I was starving, my head splitting, my body screaming for rest. When we passed a tiny restaurant, we ducked inside for a quick dinner. The moment I sat down, I broke — tears spilling uncontrollably. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt that bad. My poor friend did his best to comfort me, ordering food and drinks, but there was nothing to do except get me back to my room and into bed.
After three antihistamines and a full day of rest, I finally feel like myself again. With the fog lifted, I can fully appreciate the magic of that weekend — the forest, the energy, the deep sense of being held by something bigger than myself.
Life here at Dorms has been quiet, though there’s talk of moving me to Step In, the other hostel, to help with the afternoon shift. At first, I wasn’t thrilled about the idea, but I walked over this morning to check it out. It’s busier there — more tourists coming and going — and the whole vibe just feels… lighter. Happier. Maybe a change of energy is exactly what I need.
